I try so hard to come up with ways to not feel the pain, i close my eyes when i see you with her. I smile and act like im having a great time, but thats all fake. I block out the pain and numb myself so that i dont have to feel dirty guilt. And the pain of you not loving me anymore. But tonight, i want to feel it. I want to feel the hurt, i want to remember what youve done, so that i don’t fall for you again. I want to let it seep into my heart, let the pain surge through my veins. I don’t want to defend you, and name excuses. I’m not going to lie to myself anymore. I’m not going to write you off. For the first time I’m going to make myself believe in the truth. I am hurt. I feel pain. I am human. And i want to start acting like it. This isnt a make believe world that we live in. And im not gunna sit here and pretend im happy when im not. Im not going to let the tears fall untill later, but you know my fake smile better than i do, theres no hiding the pain, its written all over my face. Tonight im letting the pain in so dont hold it back lay it on me hard.